Ok first off, just wanted to shout. It is what I need to do, as a person with an illness that doesn't let up, holds you like a vice, and plays with your emotional state:
I HATE THIS F***ING LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. Done.
Now I want to do an update, for the sake of the ghosts (aka demons)-who are reading this
(well, no living person is, as they would leave a comment, so..).
Two weeks ago this Friday, I went for an Assessment at the MIND place in Purley (for any demons who don't know, MIND is an UK Charity that offers counselling ..amongst other services.. for those suffering from a mental illness); it went okay, to a point, well actually it didn't go okay... I mean how do you define 'okay'? in terms of talking about your darkest, most horrific moments?? You don't. It doesn't have any sense of okayness (?!)-about it whatsof***ingever.
So... After waiting in the appropriately-named Waiting Area, the guy who was gonna assess me arrived and we went up to The Room.
I'm not going to go into details. Just going to say that it was very very difficult to talk about those things... to finally open up the 'Door' that is in the darkest recesses of me mind.
To tell a stranger things that happened to you that caused you to break down, that caused you to become a stranger to 'Normality'...that caused you to become... very ill.. suicidal.. self harming.. seeing everything in Black & White, literally..feeling that I was and am to blame for everything... didn't want to eat.
Oh I could rattle off a whole f***ing LIBRARY of the things that I have gone through.
And no. I am not looking for sympathy or attention.
Depression.. when it is this severe, or .. when it affects the capacity to function as a human being, (actually, one of the things I was asked by the assessor was: What do you want from Counselling?, and my answer was? .."To feel Human."), is now (about time)- classed as an Disablement. Have a look at this: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeo/
..and that's a Govenment Page.
Snow, snow, go away snow
11 years ago
